日志 4|实习快结束了??

我怎么什么也没记录

四月份里在博客上说可能会更新日志,结果现在实习已经接近尾声了= =。

想要总结我在实习中学到的所有东西是比较困难的,但我想这也不是我写博客的目的所在。我更想记录的是我不想忘记的故事,而不是知识。所以除了写代码写 bug,我还学到了什么?有什么瞬间对我产生了很大的影响?

这周两件小事

不知道你们有没有过这种感觉:听着一首曾经听了很多次的歌,能想起当时发生的许多事情。通过博客记录所有有意义的事情是不可能的,但如果能借用音乐当作记录的工具也是不错的。想象一下这个场景:你听着一首音乐并拿着一个矿泉水瓶子,循环的次数越多,装进这个矿泉水瓶的记忆就越具体。当你循环得足够多了,这瓶子里也就装满了记忆,于是它便随着音乐被 archive 进了长期记忆里。这就像是以利用时间和精力为代价,让音乐去完成保存记忆这件事情。等你下次听到这首歌,这些记忆就会涌现上来,但其实你也没花多少功夫刻意去记录某些具体的记忆。跟上传云端似的,很神奇。

可惜我没听够歌,许多事快忘光了,也不知道怎样再次想起,就像 linked list 没了 head pointer = =。于是我打开编辑器,赶紧记录一下这两天 (literally 昨天和今天) 发生的两件让我蛮有感触的事情。

我自认为成长最快,或者说改变最大的原因往往包括生活环境的改变。有时为了刻意寻求这种改变,我会做一些逼迫自己跳出 comfort zone,但也许会让我收获不一样的东西的事情。这个暑假我一直考虑在春季 study abroad,有幸被录取的话可以去看看欧洲的样子。自从来美国以后,「我一定要移民美国」这件事对我来说越来越不重要,或者说根本不是我的目标之一。在拜访过更多地方之前,得出这样的结论是很草率的。我对一个去匈牙利的项目挺纠结的,因为那学校的排名在 QS800+。其实我是不太介意排名的,我的目的是寻找环境的改变和不同文化对我的塑造,but i dont know。我只知道我是这样想的,但这样的态度不足以让我爽快地做出一些决定。于是这件事就这样被搁置了,直到昨天早上我上班的时候碰见一个老太太。和她的偶遇让我重新开始考虑这个问题。

我觉得我无法很好地解释这件事的来龙去脉,因为我自己也没能琢磨明白为什么一个瞬间会留在我的脑海里如此之久。我和她在过马路时碰见,她首先向我打招呼。我没有回避的意思,并且我们凑巧去往同一个方向,于是开始聊天。随后这个让我思考许久的瞬间就出现了:在我还没向前走几步的时候,我已经站在了她身前半米到一米左右的位置。我想再次确认我没有回避这个谈话的意思,但就在那时,我意识到我并没有那样重视她的存在。在试图放慢脚步的时候,我好像被什么想法 kick 到了一样。

我想,在那个我不经意走到她前方的瞬间,我感到的是路人的真实感。他们不会像 NPC 一样 serve 某些特定的任务,而让他们显得真实的,恰恰是一些对推动剧情影响不那么大的行为细节。来美国后我很少和老人并排走路,或者说根本没有这样的经历 IIRC。

后来我知道她是 half British half Hungarian。这样真实的匈牙利人就出现在我的身边。

她最后祝我 good luck,我们便各自走各自的路了。自那之后我又开始认真思考去匈牙利的不知名学府念书的可能性。

感谢我糟糕的语言表述能力,它让我实在无法解释为什么我会在这段两秒的记忆上 dwell on 这么久。但我想这也是这一小截记忆的独特所在:它属于我,也仅属于我。大概只有我自己才能明白我在这的一通胡说 = =。


好了。开始说第二件事。这件事我已经在今天的周会上分享了 (每周四,公司里的所有人会在一起开会,而会议的第一部分就是分享这一周的 rose & thorn)。如下是我所说的。

my rose is that last night i was listening to Tyler (CEO)’s podcast. it’s so crazy to realize that this kind of inspiration is living in my real life. (at that moment) i felt very lucky because, i had never in my life thought about how to run a company, because i don’t have any connection to this kind of questions. i think i can never approach to an answer to a question that applies to the real world without a piece of myself in the context of the question. in my past few years i wasn’t able to think about those questions seriously because there was always a missing piece, but right now, i feel the connections.

简单来说,就是我们的 CEO 在做一个播客,定期分享他作为创业者的心德和思考。这些年来我作为一名学生我从来没有机会地认真地考虑这些问题,因为我明白我离这些话题很远,我能做的只有逻辑上的推导和猜测。但现在不同了。我在实习的三个月中亲眼看见了决策的过程,看到了这位在互联网上似乎离我很远的播客创作者在现实生活中运作公司的样子。所以现在,我觉得 i‘m ready to think about those questions (if i want to).

我曾经对我不能牢记历史政治知识点这件事非常自卑,直到一朋友和我确认再三那那是因为我缺少和历史事件的 connections。我觉得总体而言他是对的,而这个结论也适用于其他许多场景。我不想对这两段发言做过多的解读,就说到这儿好了。

所以你公司到底如何啊

对了,公司对于我对这段实习的看法问了我四个问题。这是我给出的解答。

if you had to sum up your intern experience here in 3 sentences or less, what would you say?

i love this experience and learned a lot not just about the tech stuff, but about what i want in the future and what i want to become. i met a lot of amazing people here and the time i spent with them multiplied my spirit. this is my first time to work in a real company and the fact that i feel very sad when thinking about leaving soon explains everything :(

how did you hear about the internship, and what about that made you want to apply?

i dont quite remember where i learned about this internship… i think i was just looking at the map and searching for jobs at places i’d like to visit. i knew i was very interested in this job immediately when i found a Notion doc that deliberately explained what the interview would be like, and i could see in the context that they meant what was said. the instructions were super clear and it just made me more interested in learning the company’s culture, so i went on and explored the website a little bit (info about the people working there, or just the company’s philosophy), and all the misc info seemed genuine and quite interesting. i guess what made me want to apply wasn’t mostly related to what i wanted to learn or accomplish in Comp Sci, but also about enriching my summer and the life while i’m studying in the US. so i’m quite biased here to say that my focus was more on the company’s spirit/atmosphere or the location where it’s at more.

how would you describe lacrm to a friend? be honest lol

i will answer this question with absolute honest: i love lacrm, and i mean everything here :D . it has a very collaborative, transparent, and healthy culture for every worker. this is probably not the perfect place people would like if they are more fast-paced, tech-heavy, or just want a huge compensation package, but if we’re talking about internships, it’s a place to learn more about the industry, how a small company works, and all the inspiring decision making process from our beloved CEO and all the other co-workers, especially for someone that has never worked as a intern before. also a good place to relieve the fear of capitalism or some hierarchy cuz you are most likely gonna be a happy employee here if hired :D also i’d say the main decision-makers here care about the working class and the give back to the tech community a lot (fellowship program, for example). this to me matters a lot and i know people have various purposes when finding a job, so people don’t feel the same way as i do might not understand my point here.

do you have any takeaways from your time here? (this is meant to be vague)

ah.. here’s a vague enough answer: a friend of mine once said the true measure of a good book is how long it stays in my heart and mind and influences me to make positive changes. i think this applies to a job as well, and to me, lacrm nailed it, cuz the time i spent here will remind me of caring about the industry, giving back to the community, and having respect to people from all the backgrounds. i guess the tech stuff i learned here doesn’t really matter much since with the internet people can learn themselves about the things that interns are capable of. some other things that are less vague i learned here would be how to do decision making while constantly thinking about the opportunity cost and how a bootstrap company works, for example.